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Chronic Pain Blog

Explore thoughts, experiences, and evidence-informed perspectives on chronic pain, pain science, pain rehabilitation, self-management, and living well despite persistent pain.

Our lives can become negative

6/5/2024

 
Updated September 3, 2026

“In a word, describe how you feel right now.”

I recently saw this question asked in a fibromyalgia support group with nearly 100,000 members.
Almost all of the 377 responses posted within two days had negative connotations. People described themselves as exhausted, defeated, overwhelmed, afraid, lousy, anxious, depressed, painful, lifeless, restricted, broken, irritable, lost, done, and disconnected.

A few positive words appeared, including confident, grateful, proud, and hopeful.

Reading those responses saddened me.

Not because people with chronic pain shouldn't feel exhausted, afraid, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Those feelings are understandable when you're living with persistent pain.

What struck me was how completely pain seemed to be dominating the emotional landscape for so many people.

When pain starts to take over
Chronic pain can gradually affect much more than how your body feels.

It can influence your thoughts, emotions, behavior, relationships, activities, work, sleep, and expectations for the future. Over time, your life can become increasingly organized around pain—what you can do, what you can't do, what might make it worse, and what treatment might finally make it go away.

Pain can become the center of your attention.

And when that happens, it's easy for your identity and your life to become defined by pain rather than by the things that matter to you.

I know because I've been there.

My answer to the question was confident.

But there was a time in my journey with chronic pain when my answer wouldn't have been nearly as positive.

What changed for me?
Things began to change after I attended a pain rehabilitation program.

I learned that living well with chronic pain doesn't necessarily require waiting for the pain to disappear first.

I learned to accept that pain was part of my life without allowing it to define my life.

I also learned active self-management strategies that helped me change how I thought about, responded to, and behaved around pain.

That didn't mean ignoring my pain or pretending it wasn't real.

It meant learning that I could still do meaningful things even when pain was present.

Over time, my focus shifted from “How can I get rid of my pain?” to “How can I live the life I want while managing my pain?”

That was a profound change.

Chronic pain isn't prolonged acute pain
One of the most important lessons I learned is that chronic pain shouldn't simply be treated as acute pain that has lasted too long.

Persistent pain can involve different biological, psychological, and social factors than acute pain. The goal of treatment also may need to change.

Instead of endlessly searching for something to find and fix, treatment can also focus on helping people understand their pain, improve function, build confidence, reduce fear and avoidance, and develop skills for self-management.

That doesn't mean abandoning medical treatment.

It means expanding the goal beyond simply trying to make the pain disappear.

From pain-centered to life-centered
People living with chronic pain don't need to feel positive all the time.

They don't need to deny their pain, suppress difficult emotions, or pretend everything is okay.
But pain doesn't have to occupy the center of every part of life.

There can still be room for relationships, hobbies, work, movement, laughter, purpose, and hope.
​
For me, pain rehabilitation helped me make that shift.

My pain didn't have to disappear before I could begin living again.

I learned to stop making my life revolve around pain and start making pain fit into my life.

That's the difference active self-management made for me.

And it's one reason I believe clinicians should look beyond simply finding something to fix and help people develop the knowledge, skills, and confidence they need to manage persistent pain and live meaningful lives.

Learn more
  • Thoughts Are Powerful: We Aren't Our Pain
  • How to Move Patients from Passive Management to Active Self-Management 
  • Tame the Beast – It's Time to Rethink Persistent Pain 
  • How to Move Patients from Passive Management to Active Self-Management 
  • Central Sensitization Syndrome
  • Strategies for Coping with Chronic Pain
  • The Truth About Managing Chronic Pain
  • Five Things I Wish I Knew Earlier in My Journey with Chronic Pain
  • Are You Missing Two-Thirds of Your Potential Pain Treatment Plan?
  • Building Skills for Self-Management

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